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HUMOR
In some situations, humor is the best way to disarm a verbal attack. It lets the other person know that you see what she is doing but that it does not phase you. Do not be sarcastic or offensive with your humor, as this may cause the situation to escalate. Laugh off the attacks, and s/he may back off. IMPERSONAL RESPONSE
Respond with impersonal language rather than engaging directly. Rather than shouting back, make a general statement about what the person says. Example: Bully: You are such a loser, you can't do anything right! Impersonal Response: (do not yell back) Not everyone can do everything right. Every time he persists in attacking, answer impersonally until he calms down. ACKNOWLEDGE, BUT MOVE ON
When others want to engage you, you disengage them. Bully: You are so fat, why do you eat so much? Acknowledge, but move on Response: The food police arrived or OK, that was rude. or Random (and then turn and walk away) Don't give them time to respond. You are acknowledging that you heard them, you are acknowledging what was said, but you are not letting it go any further. You are cutting it off right there and then. They don't get your time, attention, control, or a response they are looking for. |
BORING BAROQUE RESPONSE
The boring baroque response disarms your opponent by taking the satisfaction out of the verbal abuse. Often she is looking for attention or to provoke an emotional response so she can feel powerful. Respond to her question in an emotionally neutral tone with a message that conveys that you know she is just after attention. Act like you take her question seriously, but launch an in-depth response that is lengthy enough that she becomes bored and is not motivated to continue her attack. Example: Bully: You are so fat, why do you eat so much? Boring Baroque Response: You know, I think it's because of something that happened to me when I was just a little kid. We were living in Detroit at the time, and ...NO, wait a minute! It couldn't have been Detroit, it must have been when we were living in Indianapolis, because that was the summer my Aunt Grace came to visit us and brought her dog. You know those funny little dogs with the big ears that stick out? Well, this dog...(and so on, for as long as it takes...) |